who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
