I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
