I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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