Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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