What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
