Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
A+ Viking dick
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
