not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
