i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
