then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
