Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
