So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
