We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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