Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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