She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I stole a fireplace last night.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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