a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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