Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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