Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
