how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
