We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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