eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
