How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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