the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
