So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I deserve this hangover.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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