There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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