In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
