you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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