I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
