i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
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I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
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I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
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