Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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