some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
