Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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