he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
