You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
