she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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