The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
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she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Well I just put wine in my tea
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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