I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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