True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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