I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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