Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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