Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
