Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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