Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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