are you so shy because you have an std?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
