Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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