I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
