I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Will you blow on my dice?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
