Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
