ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
