is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
