it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
