I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
