i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
only you would photoshop your dick
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
