i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
