Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize