i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
