Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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