It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
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In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will pee on everything he values.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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