break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
