Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You are a genius and a whore.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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