Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
this beer tastes like vomit already
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
