i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
