so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
