is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
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I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
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When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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