Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
