There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
