He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
