my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
