I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
