I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
