im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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