Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
