so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
