Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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