Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
