there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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