Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
