He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize