Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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